If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
