Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
