yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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