I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
