she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
vagina is talking i cant
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
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