and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
You have to summon your inner elephant
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
