I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i wish my penis had a tongue
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
