my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
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I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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