What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
it wasn't lemon gatorade
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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