I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
