I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
