his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
