phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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