From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
