i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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