i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
