Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
