I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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