Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
