Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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