So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
