Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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