i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
