you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
