this beer tastes like vomit already
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
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Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
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Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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