apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Randomize
