had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
