Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
