Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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