is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Randomize
