It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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