go do what you do best...puke behind churches
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
