you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Boobs are out for the taking
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
