even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I AM VODKA MAN
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
