dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
