Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
