he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
My balls are so social today.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
