do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
