If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
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