Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
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