she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
