a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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