New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Just took my morning after pill in the library
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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