the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
We need to get me chipped asap
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
