I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
