You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
