I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
