Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
