We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
