i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
