I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
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