He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Randomize
