she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
