Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
17 year olds will be the death of me.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
