i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
