I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
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