Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
