you traded sex for a burrito?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
