i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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